Month: September 2008

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Carry These = Score with Girls

I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think I’ve come up with the three items that a man can carry that instantly makes him more attractive to the opposite sex.  In case you’re wondering: yes, I do have too much time on my hands.

3. Surfboard

Have you ever seen that guy walking along the beach carrying a surfboard? Yeah, that guy gets laid.  I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that surfing is physically intensive and the guys that do it are usually ripped.  Or, it could just be the shaggy hairdo’s, perpetual tans, and ‘no worries’ attitudes.  Regardless, carrying a surfboard scores points with the ladies.

 

 

 

2. The young of most species

Next time you’re out and about, walk around carrying a baby/puppy/kitten and watch the women flock.The young of any species is a big attractor of the ladies.  There are some exceptions, I mean, walking around with a baby tarantula ain’t gonna cut it.  Plus, with a baby, there’s the single dad/wife at home factor.  Though, sometimes even that works in your favor. Personally, out of the three, I’d go with the dog. Not only do they attract the girls while they’re puppies, but full-grown dogs work almost as well.  I know this because I have a dog who’s sole purpose in life is to get me laid.

 

1. Guitar

This one’s obvious.  Walk around with a guitar slung over your shoulder and the panties will pretty much take themselves off.  This correlates to my ‘guitar-and-microphone’ theory, which states: give an average looking guy a guitar and microphone, put him on stage, and he’ll need to have a second penis implanted to handle all the chicks.  That being said, walking around with a guitar, no matter where you are, is a big one.  It’s pretty indigenous to guitars, too.  Not that other instruments don’t attract the ladies, but you can’t really walk around with them on your back. A guy carrying a set of drums or a keyboard looks like a dork (or a mover). Nope, guitar is it.  I think I’m going to go and start taking lessons.

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September 10th, 2001

I was at a bar in Queens with Brian and Pat and a few others.  The Giants were playing the Broncos on Monday Night Football.  Ed McCaffrey broke his leg.  I won a sweatshirt in a raffle featuring the Giants previous-year Super Bowl appearance.  I had planned on giving it to my dad.

The next morning, everything was different.

Never forget.

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Visual Ecstasy

Admittedly, I’ve never been one for the ‘visualizer’ component of my music-playing programs. I remember when I first got Winamp and it had a visualizer and I really couldn’t have cared less. When I switched to iTunes, I found theirs to be pretty ‘ho-hum’ as well.  I never really saw the point and, more importantly, I never thought that the visuals kept very good time with the music.

Today, Apple released iTunes 8 which includes, among other things, a new visualizer.  The story is that they purchased this new feature from a third-party that had made a plugin.  I never saw this third-party’s plugin before, however, I just downloaded the new iTunes and fired it up.  All I can say is, “holy fucking shit!”

I’ve sat here, mesmerized, for the last hour going through my music collection to see how much cooler the next song would be from the last.  It’s absolutely amazing.  The music and the visual are in perfect time, the graphics are stunning, and it’s flat-out one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.  In fact, I’ve got a low-grade headache because I couldn’t stop watching this thing.

If you’re an iTunes user, get it now.  I guarantee you, the one thing that will not disappoint is this new feature.

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Finger-lickin’ security

I’m not a big fan of KFC… in fact, I can’t remember the last time I ate it.  However, I did read this article today regarding the Colonel’s secret recipe of 11 herbs and spices which is being moved while they upgrade the security in the facility where it is kept.

The story reads like something out of a spy novel.  In fact, you’d think that what they were guarding was the launch codes for America’s nuclear arsenal, not a handwritten recipe for fried chicken.  Turns out, the recipe is kept in a safe and that safe needs an upgrade.  An independent security firm was hired to oversee said upgrade and during the process will take possession of the recipe and move it to an undisclosed location (in a briefcase handcuffed to someone’s wrist, no less).

Even more interesting is the corporate security structure in place to protect the recipe.  From the article:

It takes many moving parts to keep the secret Original Recipe under wraps. Only two KFC executives know the finger-lickin’ recipe of 11 herbs and spices. A third executive knows the combination to the safe where the handwritten recipe resides. Less than a handful of KFC employees know the identities of the three executives, who are not allowed to travel together on the same plane or in the same car for security reasons.

The specific details of the secret recipe of herbs and spices are shrouded in secrecy, even among the suppliers who produce and blend it. Multiple suppliers are involved in the process, bound by strict secrecy agreements, and none of the individual suppliers know the entire formula. To further safeguard the secret recipe, KFC does not identify the suppliers involved in producing and blending the recipe.

That’s a lot of layers for one recipe.  What I don’t understand is that with only 11 herbs and spices, no one can figure this thing out after all of these years?

I’d be remiss if I didn’t end this posting with one of my favorite lines from the movie Spaceballs:

“What’s the matter, Colonel Sanders?  Chicken?!”

Enjoy your morning.

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Chris Berman has jumped the shark

I don’t think that there’s a better example of someone doing the same schtick for a longer time and getting away with it than Chris Berman.  I mean, really?  Can I hear, ‘He… could… go… all… the… way!” one more time?  It’s the same crap, year after year.  That’s the problem with being a ‘gimmick’ sportscaster, it gets real old, real quick.

This is not to say that Berman doesn’t offer some good insights, but you have wade through a sea of diarrhea to reach and island of crap. Ok, that didn’t make much sense, but whatever. You know what I mean.