Unread. Deleted.

unread_deletedI was discussing online dating (shocker) with someone the other day and I mentioned the fact that I’d setup several ‘boilerplate’ emails that I used on various sites to contact women. These cut-and-paste emails are written in a way that’s just generic enough so that I can use them again and again for an initial engagement. I’ve been doing this for years.  However, I don’t do it every time. When I find someone that truly strikes me, I write a personal, well-thought out email.

The person I was talking to asked why I didn’t write a personal email to each prospective date and my response was simple: unread, deleted.

Unread deleted is the status indicator for when a woman does exactly that with a message I write. She doesn’t read it, she just deletes it after viewing my profile. Basically, either my pictures or description is not up to her standards, so what I wrote in the message doesn’t matter to her. This infuriates me to no end.

Many times I’ll come up with a clever email or something that really digs into what she wrote in her profile. I put honest-to-goodness thought into it and try to craft something that will catch her eye. Only, it’s wasted. It’s not even looked at. It’s discarded with nary a thought. I hate that.  To me, it says that your personality is worthless, it’s all about your looks.  I don’t like what I see, so who you are is irrelevant.

This wouldn’t goad me so much if it wasn’t for the fact that women constantly complain that men are shallow creatures. That they don’t look inside and only care about the outside. It seems that there’s a bit of pot-calling-the-kettle-black going on here.

This is the reason why hundreds of women throughout the years have all gotten the exact same message from me and hundreds more will receive it in the future.

It’s all in a (user)name

Ahh, DatingWhile perusing one of the many dating sites that I am a member of, it occurred to me that I’m a big fan of looking at a person’s username.  I believe that it gives a clue as to their personality type and some are just really clever.

However, your username can also work against you. Include a little too much information and there’s a good chance that you’ll have a real hard time getting dates  I’ve posted a list of some usernames below that I believe will, um, hinder you from successfully finding a mate online (but what do I know, I’m still single).

 

Usernames guaranteed to keep you from meeting someone on internet dating sites (part 1):

For the guys

BigKnockerLuvr

DoinUrMom

14InchesofPain (that one might work, there’s some weird people out there)

ToeJam

Anything with 696969 following it

UMustBTite

NextStopBald

Last1sDead

ImBrokeRU

LivinWithMom

TaxCheat

ImOnParole

WhatJob

For the girls

BigSweetEater

NitPicker

TheNagger

PtheBed

TheAmazon

NeedaHorse

4thTimesACharm

ExactlyLikeMyMother

SocialLifeKiller

TheyllHateMe

NoUrWrong

OnceADude

PleasePleasePleaseDateMe

The last minute cancellation is never believed

I was supposed have a date tonight.  We were to meet up at a local lounge for a drink at 7:30.  At 6, she called and told me that she had to go to her sister’s house because her nephew jumped off the bed and landed on his head.  The sister, fearing the worst, was taking the boy to the hospital and she (my date) was going to go with her.

Now, that’s a perfectly plausible story. Kids jump off things.  Hell, some even launch themselves in balloons, sort of. I truly hope that this kid is OK and he didn’t damage his noodle too badly… that is, if it really happened.

And that’s the problem with a last minute cancellation of a first date, it’s never believed.  No matter what the situation, no matter how dire, if you call to cancel a first date within 2 hours of the date beginning, you’re a liar. Sad, but true.

So, that being said, I find myself at home which, as a Dodger fan, is a good deal.  I’ve got a cold beer, a big TV, the Dodgers and the Phillies, and I don’t have to make small talk with a fibber.