Today is my 36th birthday. I don’t know how to feel about that. Let me first qualify by saying that I’m sleep deprived right now having travelled cross country last night and, when I am in this mood, tend to be more melodramatic. It’s only fitting that I would be in this state on a day that most use to reflect on their own life and mortality. So, while the following is what I’m feeling right now, it may not be what I feel tomorrow after a good night’s rest. Or maybe it will be.
While I received an outpouring of birthday wishes today, there were a few notable absenses. Unfortunately, it was this time last year that I was at a completely different place in my life and I thought it was going in a completely different direction. Yet, here I am, a year later, back in the same place I was before. Starting from scratch. Back on the hunt. While I truly believe that this is a better place to be, my mind can’t help but to reflect to a year ago.
I need sleep.
As my best friend loving pointed out, forty is rapidly approaching. I think that 36 is an age when forty joins the conversation. It’s not the featured guest, but it certainly has a seat at the table. Forty. Where will I be then? What will my life be like? My head hurts to think about it.
What happened to thirty?
I don’t feel different. Maybe a little bit more experienced. Not apt to repeat some of the mistakes I’ve made in the past, yet poised to make new ones. I don’t think that ever ends. Will I ever learn? Not likely.
The family is celebrating on Wednesday.
My father’s birthday is three days from now. We’re doing a dual-celebration dinner on Wednesday. It will be nice to see everyone. I wonder how reflective I’ll be then. Maybe I’ll be more focused on my father’s remaining years than on my own.
Hopefully, I’ll be better rested.